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In-Law Interference

In-Law Interference

Surah Nisaa, 35

وَإِنۡ خِفۡتُمۡ شِقَاقَ بَيۡنِہِمَا فَٱبۡعَثُواْ حَكَمً۬ا مِّنۡ أَهۡلِهِۦ وَحَكَمً۬ا مِّنۡ أَهۡلِهَآ إِن يُرِيدَآ إِصۡلَـٰحً۬ا يُوَفِّقِ ٱللَّهُ بَيۡنَہُمَآ‌ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرً۬ا

If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from her’s; if they both wish for peace, Allâh will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allâh is Ever All¬Knower, Well¬Acquainted with all things.

  • Context: When there is turmoil in a marriage, different things can happen
  • This ayah lays out the procedure for how extended families can be involved in the marriage, the role, impact of them
  • Shiqaaq – literally means for 2 things to be very distant, to put distant between 2 things
  • Gives imagery that the husband and wife have turned away from each other and are sitting in seperate corners.
  • One representative comes from male side and one from female side.
  • Maintain the balance – we see in cultures that the woman is overrun – Allah swt maintains the balance.
  • Hakam – from hikmah – wise, hukm, authoritative – the arbitrators have to be wise!
  • Marriage should not be so easily abandoned – all efforts should be made to maintain it.
  • Everyone needs to look how to fix their own errors.
  • When families do get involved, they need to confront each other in a calm, collected, unemotional way not become one family against the other.
  • In families when the family is not overly intrusive, the couple does just fine. The couples in which the family is very intrusive and destructive, their marriages are suffering.
  • We need to re-assess the roles of family in our marriages. Sadly most families nowadays have a negative impact.
  • Families should be invested in creating strong, surviving marriages. That’s what’s mentioned here!
  • The representatives from each family shouldn’t be looking for just siding with their side – if their side is being unjust. they should be able to stand up and mention that no, this is wrong. If that happens, we will see the tides turn for the better.
  • If they intend to (the couple OR arbirtrators) fix the marriage, Allah swt will make things better for them.
  • In the end, only Allah can create love and cohesion within families so it goes back to Him in the end.
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