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Married Muslim Women

Bismillah,

(Here’s the rant I was going to post a while back… but it got saved in drafts and never happened lol)

So, whilst talking about Muslims’ favourite topic #1 with a dear sister, it got me thinking later on. And I’m sure this wonderful topic has been covered many times on many blogs, but hey, I need to rant :).

Here’s the dealio: Sisters, we’re all busy educating ourselves. So, when it comes time for marriage, why is it that a brother, who himself is educated, may not want his (future) wife to continue her education? C’mon now. Seriously.

Lemme break this down. The Woman, who will become a Mother, needs an edu-ma-cation. Pourquoi?

1. She will be a mom. If the first university of a child is his mother’s lap, then what are you doing to your children by depriving your wife of an education?

2. Work: Okay, not everyone has to work. No doubt about it. But an education brings so much back-up, like in the case the husband cannot work, in the case of divorce or death.

And with all due respect, we always complain about there not being females this, females that, so if your wifey is capable of fixing that problem, why not allow her to? I remember Shaykh Saed mentioning how the community sins if a woman has to see a male doctor (noΒ sin with her if she’s sick – she has to go) beacuse it’s fardh kifaayah for the community to make sure there are female doctors. SubhanAllah.

Now, this reminds me of Shaykh Waleed’s flat tire analogy which goes like this: Extremely involved brother gets married to extremely involved sister. BAM! They both stop doing anything and everything. If two people like that do get married, isn’t that like an awesome set up, mashaAllah, to become a power couple, bring back the Ummah, be a reviver of the deen, etc? No? Hm. I’m not going to try and understand that one.

That also brings up brothers who may be extremely involved but don’t want their wives to be. Okay bro, what exactly do you relate on then? Nothing? Wonderful. Happy marriage then.

Wilted White Rose and Babys Breath B/W

Okay, and I get that marriage is hard and requires work, yadda, yadda, yadda. But that should not be an excuse to fall back on deen. The Prophet (S) had 13 wives! If it was that bad, he would’ve been the first to have left his deen. But no, he was the *first* to maintain everything mashaAllah. There are plenty examples from the community too (okay not plenty, a few :)) that I’m sure we could look at too mashaAllah.

Recently, my mom told me how some girls just wear abaya/hijab/etc to get married! OMG that made me want to scream! SubhanAllah! Like, sisters don’t wear abaya/hijab for the sake of Allah ‘cuz they say it’s too hard, but there are sisters out there who do it for marriage? *deep breaths* I’m not judging these sisters – maybe they’re trying hard and we don’t know what’s really happening, but subhanAllah, is marriage more important than pleasing Allah? Through marriage, you should be pleasing Allah too! Argh. I’m sure this happens for brothers too – that they just grow a beard, or whatever, to get married. I still don’t get it though. That outward appearance of deen – it’s not easy. People don’t do it for a reason. Yet these people can do it because their desire for whatever is so strong. SubhanAllah.

Then there’s the whole in-laws issue. I’m not even going to begin with that. Oh, and there’s the many desi horror stories of the future spouse looking so good on the outside (man, how do they fake it?) and when they get married… subhanAllah, whole different story.

Okay spilled(skim) milk, I think I have to agree. Maybe marriage is a bunch of bakwaas sometimes :).

I was just thinking how marriage was made so simple and easy in Islam. We just make it so complicated with our requirements, fakeness, issues, extravagance, and God knows what else.

And maybe also I’m living in single-girl-bubble and have been exposed to the realities of marriage. But I seriously believe it shouldn’t be like this. Alhamdulillah for the ones who aren’t.

Sigh, may Allah swt protect us, And May HeΒ grant the non-married folks pious, righteous spouses, and the married folks barakah and happiness in their marriage. Ameen.

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9 thoughts on “Married Muslim Women

  1. Wonder who that dear sis is πŸ™‚

    Since i was the one who had to clam you down, all i got to say is….

    BAKWAAAAAAS MAN, ITS ALL BAKWAAAAAS- ditto to spilled skimmed milk

    πŸ™‚

    …Chill yo ISLAM yo! πŸ˜‰

    Bros got to chillax and let the ladies live πŸ™‚ Allahu alam though Sarah, maybe sisters got to speak up, we gutta give these bros 70 excuses, and subhanAllah you may reach those 70 trust me, sometimes you might πŸ˜‰ haha give them another 29 πŸ™‚

    I say, sisters got to get the knowledge, they got to! If you dont plan on working you got a back up, thats what you need, if you have the ability, you will be asked … if we are able to benefit the muslims then we must..
    Walalhu ‘alam

    ❀

  2. lol dania good points…but you sound so gangster in your comment i had to laugh…
    dania from the hood sayin it like it is πŸ˜‰

    btw ‘bakwaas’?? I hope that doesn’t mean ‘cries’!!

    Umm Sarah awesome post…Much needed…I know some bros might be scared that her education will make things harder, think that she will be more unavailable and stuff, but if only they knew…. I’m not the same person on vacation and in school… School just has this way of making you deep-all the tests and the sabr and tawakul and the toughening up….there are a million lessons outside of the curriculum to learn everyday.

    I personally think, in addition to all your points Sarah, that I would be a better wife/mom having simply gone through the PROCESS of education. It really makes you tough, teaches to keep going, and builds all these qualities in you that I think wallahu aalam makes a marraige more successful. PLUS, a woman who has her independent life and worries- i have noticed- is less likely to have free time on her heads to create problems while sitting at home. She might be more fulfilled.

    OF COURSE, this isnt against any sis who didnt get an education or is stay-at-home….on the contrary mashAllah they’ve got a lot on their hands and I know there are many exceptions… But in general I find that a lot of women dont really use their time wisely at home–>frustration and boredom–>invents problems with her husband–>problems…

    wallahu aalam…

  3. P.S-
    “the first university is a mother’s lap…” ❀ ❀
    watch me carve that into my kid's crib someday
    and carve it on to their stroller
    and maybe tattoo it on all their toys
    and make a banner and put it up on their room

    'never forget it' ….lol

  4. LOL Dania – glad you learned something this weekend πŸ™‚ And Bushy – the gangstaness comes from the land of Majd I’m assuming πŸ˜› Where else?

    And Bushy you’re so cute with your carving. But ya’ni it’s true! I love the point you brought up abt it helping – subhanAllah isn’t awesome in the deen that anything you do can basically be of reward or help to something you do in the future? subhanAllah man.

    For sure though, if a sister choses to not do this, power to her. This rant was kinda sorta aimed at brothers ahaha πŸ˜‰

  5. some brothers don’t want educated wives because its just…subhanaAllah…different way of thinking…they want their wives to be completely dependent on them…they dont want their wives to be strong or powerful because to them, that’s not what their wives where created to do/be…and subhanaAllah, there are girls who really are like that and suit that description…but i guess its just not an educated girl’s dream of marriage to sit at home and chase flies…no, she has dreams you see that she gotta chase outside and fly after…she wants to help the world, help in saving it, help in curing it, help in planting the seeds of the better tomorrow…some girls have dreams that lead them to fly…and some girls have dreams that only come when they’re in bed….and to each is their own… πŸ™‚ just try to marry someone who will work with you and believes the same things as you…and leave those who dont for others who think the same way they do….make duaa πŸ™‚

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