(Here’s the rant I was going to post a while back… but it got saved in drafts and never happened lol)
So, whilst talking about Muslims’ favourite topic #1 with a dear sister, it got me thinking later on. And I’m sure this wonderful topic has been covered many times on many blogs, but hey, I need to rant :).
Here’s the dealio: Sisters, we’re all busy educating ourselves. So, when it comes time for marriage, why is it that a brother, who himself is educated, may not want his (future) wife to continue her education? C’mon now. Seriously.
Lemme break this down. The Woman, who will become a Mother, needs an edu-ma-cation. Pourquoi?
1. She will be a mom. If the first university of a child is his mother’s lap, then what are you doing to your children by depriving your wife of an education?
2. Work: Okay, not everyone has to work. No doubt about it. But an education brings so much back-up, like in the case the husband cannot work, in the case of divorce or death.
And with all due respect, we always complain about there not being females this, females that, so if your wifey is capable of fixing that problem, why not allow her to? I remember Shaykh Saed mentioning how the community sins if a woman has to see a male doctor (no sin with her if she’s sick – she has to go) beacuse it’s fardh kifaayah for the community to make sure there are female doctors. SubhanAllah.
Now, this reminds me of Shaykh Waleed’s flat tire analogy which goes like this: Extremely involved brother gets married to extremely involved sister. BAM! They both stop doing anything and everything. If two people like that do get married, isn’t that like an awesome set up, mashaAllah, to become a power couple, bring back the Ummah, be a reviver of the deen, etc? No? Hm. I’m not going to try and understand that one.
That also brings up brothers who may be extremely involved but don’t want their wives to be. Okay bro, what exactly do you relate on then? Nothing? Wonderful. Happy marriage then.
Okay, and I get that marriage is hard and requires work, yadda, yadda, yadda. But that should not be an excuse to fall back on deen. The Prophet (S) had 13 wives! If it was that bad, he would’ve been the first to have left his deen. But no, he was the *first* to maintain everything mashaAllah. There are plenty examples from the community too (okay not plenty, a few :)) that I’m sure we could look at too mashaAllah.
Recently, my mom told me how some girls just wear abaya/hijab/etc to get married! OMG that made me want to scream! SubhanAllah! Like, sisters don’t wear abaya/hijab for the sake of Allah ‘cuz they say it’s too hard, but there are sisters out there who do it for marriage? *deep breaths* I’m not judging these sisters – maybe they’re trying hard and we don’t know what’s really happening, but subhanAllah, is marriage more important than pleasing Allah? Through marriage, you should be pleasing Allah too! Argh. I’m sure this happens for brothers too – that they just grow a beard, or whatever, to get married. I still don’t get it though. That outward appearance of deen – it’s not easy. People don’t do it for a reason. Yet these people can do it because their desire for whatever is so strong. SubhanAllah.
Then there’s the whole in-laws issue. I’m not even going to begin with that. Oh, and there’s the many desi horror stories of the future spouse looking so good on the outside (man, how do they fake it?) and when they get married… subhanAllah, whole different story.
Okay spilled(skim) milk, I think I have to agree. Maybe marriage is a bunch of bakwaas sometimes :).
I was just thinking how marriage was made so simple and easy in Islam. We just make it so complicated with our requirements, fakeness, issues, extravagance, and God knows what else.
And maybe also I’m living in single-girl-bubble and have been exposed to the realities of marriage. But I seriously believe it shouldn’t be like this. Alhamdulillah for the ones who aren’t.
Sigh, may Allah swt protect us, And May He grant the non-married folks pious, righteous spouses, and the married folks barakah and happiness in their marriage. Ameen.